My Salvation
by Pomodoro Crisi
Summary: Matt is sent by Nate Rivers to find his friend who has gotten himself into Kira's Kingdom in order to save his brother. What happens when he finds him? Can anything be done to help Mello? Rating may change.


**A/N: So I was doing my hair one morning and thinking of whatever and I thought of how dirty Mello looks when he eats chocolate. And after that I thought he looked like a prostitute and this idea popped up! I don't know how good it is but I love it so far. If anyone has read a really short manga called "Boys Next Door" then the whole tattoo thing will make sense from that and so will a bunch of other things. If you haven't read it I suggest you do! It's adorable and sad and just awesome in general. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the basic plot. I don't own the characters of Death Note or, well, anything really.**

My Salvation

_Looking back on it now, I don't know if what I did was right, but I'm still glad I did it. It might have been because of some stupid job, but it turned into so much more than just that after just a few weeks. Maybe I just wanted to feel useful once more before I died. Or maybe there was this…pull around Mello that made people like me naturally gravitate to him and willingly heed his every request. _

_Whatever the reason, I'll never regret anything where that boy is concerned. _

I couldn't stand this life anymore. Buying, selling, hacking, using, all day, all night. It was a repetition I just couldn't handle anymore. Hacking to make money, buying drugs in abundance, selling some, using the rest. It never ended. I was twenty and my life revolved around finding my next fix instead of school and chasing skirts. I couldn't stand the constant disappointment I had let myself become. I had been a genius in high school, hadn't I? Do geniuses digress this much? Fall this far down the rabbit hole? Ha, rabbit hole, more like the fox's den if you ask me.

No, I couldn't think about this now. I needed a smoke and I needed to get back to work. Stupid person wanted me to find their friend. Apparently he didn't catch the hint when the guy ran away from home. Personally I didn't give a flying fuck about the guy. He left, his friend was paying me very nicely by the day and that was all I needed to know. The bastard was fucking sneaky though, smart if nothing else. Four days over my fastest time and I still only had a half of an idea where he ended up, and half an idea was not enough to investigate too thoroughly. It just wasted gas. Guy might have gotten into a prostitution/drug ring that the police were simply dieing – pun definitely intended – to take down. "Kira's Kingdom," on account of the boss's preferred name. His real name was Light Yagami, though this was highly speculated since no one outside the inner most circle of the gang had actually seen the man let alone been on a first name basis with him and they certainly weren't going to tell anyone the name of the most dangerous man in the city. It kind of made me laugh that his name was "I'm a gay" if you looked at it backwards and he ran a male prostitution ring.

It was a pain in the ass to get pictures of anyone that worked for him though. There were only a few in the local police records and a bit more than that in the FBI and CIA – apparently they all wanted a slice of Kira's takedown as well, greedy bastards. If I really wanted to waste me time, I could go looking for every person who had an apple tattooed on their body, the copyrighted mark of Kira's "followers" as they were called, until I found the boy I was looking for but I really didn't have that amount of time or the drive to do something so tedious. Some of the people just made me want to gag; did anyone really need to be that nude in public just to make some money? I make perfectly good money – if it wasn't spent on drugs – and I don't sell my body for it. Then again, once you have Kira's mark you're basically fucked for the rest of the world. No one wanted to hire someone who could be shot dead at any moment for breaking away from Kira.

I sighed, resigning myself to another night without a fix because of needed concentration. Drugs did their part for calming my nerves and stuff like that, but they did nothing for my work. Once I'd almost gotten a hack traced back to my apartment because I was too gone to notice a rooky fuck up. I opened the web cam feed for Kira's Kingdom, ignoring the other sickos on the chat board. These people were pretty disturbing, they made me glad I didn't leave to house often. I created a screen name, like every other time, and waited for the "show" to begin. I only watched for as long as necessary just to be sure the guy I was looking for wasn't on. They liked to show off new faces to make the business run faster; it could take weeks for someone to start making money in this profession, if it could really be called that.

At first I thought the back I was looking at was a girls; long hair, slender frame, leather, anyone would suspect this person to be a girl. But my eyes fell on the slight hint of muscles on the arms that were too masculine to belong to a woman, no matter how lithe the person was. The other people in the chat were giving suggestions – rudely and disgusting ones at that – and there was a snap from the guy on the screen. There was a bark of something in German which I wasn't sure of but sounded like an order to turn around and the guy turned to stare directly into my eyes.

Not literally since I didn't have my webcam connected, but it felt like he was staring into my eyes only, and not just in them but through them. It was like looking into a cat's eyes, the feeling that they know everything you're thinking and can see what kind of person you are that quickly. It was frightening coming from this boy. He was no older than I was at most, though he looked older, and the piercing blue of his eyes just enhanced the feeling that he was looking through me and analyzing what he saw there. And then they changed. They went from piercing to helpless in seconds and I felt my heart break in something that wasn't exactly pity, but it was certainly something close to it. I wanted to help him, save him. I didn't know how or why, but I wanted to give everything I had to get this boy out of there safely. He didn't belong in a place like Kira's Kingdom.

Maybe, if I was lucky, he wouldn't have been branded yet. Then I could just get him out before he got the tattoo and he wouldn't have to worry about anything. Several people were telling him to take his vest off, though not in so many words, and there was another barked order at his obvious hesitation. He unzipped his vest slowly, dangling his chocolate bar from his lips as he did so – which really wasn't helping with the way people were talking as he removed his clothes. High on his left shoulder was the apple, bright and new. I choked back a scream of frustration. Even if I got him out now, and that was a very big if, we'd have to hide somewhere Yagami didn't have his claws sunk in to. Not only would he be wanted, either to be killed or to be put back to work, but I'd be killed for helping him escape. No one defied Kira and lived as far as I'd heard.

I watched the boy for a while longer, wishing I could do something, anything, until I remembered that I could probably hack into the feed and shut it down. It took a few minutes, by which time the boys name – Mello – had been announced to the viewers, but I got in and could take down and break into anything on that particular system. Lucky me it was the main frame and included all the wiretaps and surveillance cameras Yagami had set up. I quickly shut down the webcam with a virus specifically designed to eat its way through cameras like that and moved on to setting up video of the surveillance, along with audio in key places, to show up on my monitors and still be seen by whoever watched them there. Not exactly brain surgery but still tricky if you didn't want to get caught.

After shutting down the webcam service I had to wait to see Mello again. I don't know what they did with him afterwards, but he didn't show up for weeks. I was going insane, watching every camera at once, even spending valuable drug money on extra monitors to be able to see clearly and adding almost all of the wiretaps to the list. The apartment was so full of voices it sounded like there was a party in here half the time; I was surprised no one called the cops. Though Mello didn't show up, I was surprised by how often some of the people spoke of him; most of it was pretty nice too considering his newfound profession. There were enough conversations about him that I managed to understand why he was there in the first place. His brother was apparently Yagami's right hand man, and if information could be trusted, his lover.

Mello had gone there searching for his brother in order to bring him home, or at least make enough contact that they could continue to see each other. L, which is the only name he was referred to as, had told Mello that they could see each other as long as he stayed away from Kira's Kingdom. Light had a different opinion on the matter and had told Mello he would let L move in with him as long as he made a few hundred million for him, which is why Mello was now a new "follower." It sounded awful to me, and apparently Mello hadn't agreed willingly. One man said they had drugged him and given him the tattoo while he was still out of it. It explained his expression on the webcam, but not why he was nowhere near the building for weeks after.

When he showed up I felt my heart flutter a bit at the sight of him. He looked the same as the first time, just more worn out. He had a coat on, reminding me that it was December and it was probably freezing out. Had it really been that long since I started this project? Hadn't it been September when I started? How had so much time gone by?

He looked at each and every one of the cameras, giving them the same helpless look he'd had the day I saw him before finding the smallest, and only, blind spot to change. He emerged in sweat pants and a baggy shirt that made him look much younger than he was. He didn't say anything, just grabbed a bar of chocolate from a mini-fridge and began snapping off pieces while lying in bed. I watched him read for a few hours, some huge book that I couldn't make out, before his eyes started to droop. He gave one last look at the camera, as if he knew I was watching him, and pulled the blankets over his eyes.

I watched the darkness, listening to his quiet snores and murmurs until my eyes started to get heavy as well. I unplugged by laptop, carrying it and the cord into my bedroom to lay them on the unoccupied half of my bed. I watched the darkness, reveling in the idea that I might get to see him in person soon, before my eyes slipped shut and I drifted into something resembling the refreshing capabilities of REM sleep.

My eyes snapped open to the sound of screaming coming from where I had left my laptop. The screen was still dark; a small crack of light coming through a window that was tinted more than was usually acceptable, the only person in the room ass far as I could tell was Mello though. Logically that meant the screaming was from him, but he was still asleep.

He tossed and turned frantically, trying to get away from some figment of his imagination. My heart broke at the sounds of his broken sobs that seemed to punctuate his screams, making them all the more real. I wanted to comfort him, hold him and tell him things would be alright, but he was somewhere I could never get in.

"Mello…"

He finally quieted down, still breaking the silence with sobs now and them, though they were less frantic and gut wrenching than before. I fell back asleep eventually, only to be woken up by an alarm clock screeching from my laptop.

Mello was up and getting dressed in his little area of privacy, which I didn't mind not invading. He deserved some time to himself at the very least. He stepped out looking every bit as breathtaking as he had the first time and smiled wryly at the camera.

"B's Pharmacy. Thirty minutes. I'll be waiting." And he left.

B's Pharmacy…that was twenty minutes away from here by car. I jumped out of bed and into something that at least smelled clean. When was the last time I did laundry anyway? I made sure I had all my odds and ends for my various self medications hidden before I ran out the door, barely remembering to lock it behind me.

I forced myself to drive slower than I wanted; my foot itching to push the accelerator to the floor and get there as fast as possible, but that would attract too much attention for my liking. I was about to pick up a member of Kira's Kingdom, I think, catching the attention of the cops wasn't exactly in mine or Mello's best interests.

I pulled up slow, searching and trying to appear nonchalant at the same time, clearly it didn't work since Mello looked like he was holding back a laugh when I pulled up next to him. He didn't let it slip thankfully, but instead leaned over the passenger side window smiling as if he owned me and I was the only one who didn't know it. Sadly that was probably true since I was here because he had told me to come. I could already sense the pattern we were going to take on if this went farther than a night, meaning we didn't get killed.

"So you were the one watching us? Interesting…I thought you'd be…" he fished around for a word, "weirder." Not what I was expecting but OK.

"How did you know I was watching anyway? I had those cameras checked and my tracks covered." I knew my eye was twitching; I hated the fact I had made a mistake big enough that he could find me.

"You did cover them, very well I might add, I only found you by accident when I was removing some…not so flattering photos of myself from Yagami's database. No one who wasn't being extremely careful would have noticed. You should take your address out of your computer by the way; it would be a problem if someone did the same thing as I did. They might not be as nice with the information once they met you."

His smile was blinding me, drowning me; it was like running through waves, the water rushing past my ears. I had a feeling I was going to be saying yes to anything he wanted no matter how ridiculous. It took a minute for his words to click in my mind, which was entirely too focused on his lips and how soft they looked this close.

"Uhm…what? I didn't know my address was in my computer. And what to you mean "they might not be as nice with the information?"" I heard my voice shake a bit but chose to ignore it in favor of concentrating on his actual words instead of his lips.

"If someone else in Kira's Kingdom found it, especially if they showed it to Kira himself, they would drag you into business and you'll be where I am right now." Ah, that makes sense.

"About where you are…why did you tell me to come here? I don't want…_that_ if that's what you think. I was asked by your friend Nate to find you."

"I know what you want, I'm not stupid. You don't look nearly comfortable enough with your sexuality to even think about picking up a guy."

"How do you know I'm not just straight and working for the police?" I questioned, trying to sound unruffled by his comment.

"Straight men are never as good looking as you, dear. Even if you are a bit grungy, there are definitely some adorable factors working for you."

Wow that was a…really weird answer.

"But that's not why I need you." Damn if that didn't sound sexy as fuck. "I need you to get me and my brother free. I'm sure you know exactly who my brother is, so I can skip that part, but I really need your help. Please."

Hearing him say please sent me over the edge. I was planning to break him free of Kira's shackles for weeks and here he was asking me not only to help him, but to help his brother as well. I had no problems with it, but would L really leave Kira? They were together if anyone could be trusted in that place, would he really just up and leave because his brother asked him to? I voiced my opinion to Mello, opening the door for him to slide in as I did.

"Well that might be the hardest part, he's stubborn as fuck, but I'll concentrate on that while you handle the actual break in part. I might be able to sneak you in as a new recruit but that's a big might so we need a back up plan."

Geez, two minutes with the guy and we were already talking business. Not that I minded, his voice was smooth and was sending delectable shivers up my spine that I really didn't care to stop.

"Where do you plan on staying then? Not Kira's I hope…" I really was kind of afraid that he'd go back there and I'd never see him again. That place was dangerous for men older than he was, albeit he was much smarter than they were but the danger was greater because of that fact alone.

"I plan on staying with you until we rescue my brother. After that I plan on taking him, and Nate, as far away as possible so Kira can never find us."

Wow that was actually a really sweet plan, especially the fact that he was taking his friend with him. It was nice…and I was jealous. I wanted to be able to go too. And I wanted to know exactly what Nate meant to Mello.

"Uhm…what was your name? Sorry, it was the one thing I couldn't find." I squeaked a bit at being asked my name but mumbled out a syllable that sounded like "Matt" which appeased him for a moment. "Uh…Matt?"

"Y-yes?" Damn stutter.

"Are we going to move anytime soon?"

I looked at him dumbly before catching on. "Oh! Oh, right…sorry."

"`S'okay." he leaned his head back to rest it on his arms that had somehow wound up crossed behind him. Damn his voice distracting me like that, it was just cruel.

I started the car, putting it in drive and leaving the curb slowly. I sighed in the silence. I didn't want to break it but I had to know.

"Do you have clothes or anything? Or do you need to go to the store for something?" Damn it. Not what I wanted to ask at all.

"Oh yeah, I was gonna ask if we could go tomorrow but if you're asking I guess now is fine. I suggest someplace out of the city though. Kira's pretty good at keeping tabs on major businesses. If I went in one with you…well, we'd be dead."

Nice and blunt. Fun.

"Alright. No problem." Good thing I had money to spare. Damn drugs had really put a dent in my finances.

The rest of the drive was silent. Well, the car itself was, my mind was going a mile a minute trying to sort through the billions of thoughts floating around at once. I managed to hold on to one for about three seconds before it slipped away to mingle with the rest that were currently constructing a super highway so they could move even faster. It was just fantastic that the only thought that went by enough that I could actually tell what it was, was the one concerning Mello's entire being sitting next to me and the effect it happened to have on me. And now I wasn't making any sense. Fucking a.

I pulled into a parking lot for what looked like a mall; really it was a department store Mello had stated he wanted to go to earlier. He'd used such a bland voice it was as if he didn't really care at all. I wondered if that was a way to deal with what he was going through. Wasn't disinterest a part of coping with some people? I think I remembered reading that in psychology years ago, but I couldn't be too sure. Drugs really did kill far too many brain cells when used in excess.

The door that let us in led to a book section - though it was called a section it looked far nearer to a library than anything else – and Mello's face lit up in excitement. Hmm…he really likes books huh? Maybe I could buy him some. There was no telling how long he was going to be with me anyway…damn why did that have to sound like we were in some kind of relationship? I was helping him escape from prostitution, nothing more. Right?

Right. Still…I could buy him some.

"Hey you want some? I'll pay." He eyed me carefully, as if trying to sense a trick, nodding when he was certain I wasn't making a fool out of him. He smiled the first real smile I'd seen on him. It was absolutely beautiful. It burned the image into my mind, keeping it for something that may well be the end of my life. Not such a bad thing to see as you die if I had to guess; better than a blade of grass or an emotional inner-monologue about the significance of life because you saw a ladybug fly by. No, Mello's smile was one of pure happiness, plain and simple.

I think that was when I started to fall for him. He was loud and erratic at times and frustrating others, but I cared for him as if my life depended on every smile that boy granted me.

I bought him a good twenty books on every subject and genre he could think of off the top of his head along with enough leather and fur to build a very nice couch if we wanted it. I didn't understand his fixation with the stuff but he looked good in it and it made him happy so I let him have his fun. The smile it caused him to wear was more than worth the money it cost.

He settled himself on my couch happily enough, though I had offered to share the bed he refused saying he didn't want to make me uncomfortable. I told him that it wouldn't bother me, an out and out lie if I ever told one, but he could tell the truth and continued to refuse as politely as he could. And then he would look at me with those eyes, ice blue and penetrating and I wouldn't remember why I thought being in the same bed as him could be uncomfortable. He'd look at me and things would just fall into place, becoming brighter, clearer. They unnerved me when he looked as if he knew all my secrets, and held me on solid ground when the temptation to keep using came up.

I hadn't touched a needle or a razor since bringing him into the house. I had gotten rid of them one day when he went to get some chocolate, burning them in a trash bin out back. It was cliché and probably ridiculous to think of but he was making me a better person just by being in my life.

"Hey Matt?" He hadn't spoken in the last few hours, continuous conversations not exactly needed with us. They had no place and we could tell what the other was thinking within two weeks of being in the same room.

"Hmm?"

"Do you know where we can get a bigger car?"

Why a bigger car? I had a two seat convertible, a bit beat up since it was second hand but the engine was entirely new as were the breaks and just about everything else under the hood. Oh, right, we had to bring L with us.

"Probably. What kind were you thinking of?" I knew he would have an opinion on the basics of the car, leaving the rest of it up to me, which was the way I enjoyed it. Cars were my favorite thing to mess with outside of cyberspace.

"Something big, like a Hummer big, but cheaper than one. You know?"

Ah, he wanted something that could break down gates and shit. Hmm…shouldn't exactly be hard but I'd need to haggle a lot to be able to afford anything good and still have money to fix it up. Which reminded me, Mello's friend Nate still had no idea I had even found him. That was the reason money wasn't an annoyance lately. I was getting paid well daily and Mello had a bit – though it was almost a hundred thousand, where he got it I didn't think I wanted to know.

"Yeah, we have enough. But I'm going to mess with it a bit before we use it for anything."

He raised an eyebrow delicately, making my heart flutter. "Why bother? Why not just get a good one in the first place?"

I snorted. "Several reasons. One: there is no way in hell I'm going to buy something at full price with all the shit I do to cars. Two: I know somewhere that sells fairly good trucks that will save me more than enough to redo anything I feel like. And three (which is most important): I can make the thing a hundred times better than any dealership or maker can for half the money." I pulled my small box of cigarettes from my back pocket, slipping one between my lips to light it. These were quickly becoming to me what chocolate was to Mello. I went through at least half a pack a day, two on a bad day. Mello eyed the small white stick warily, disapproval written all over his face, but said nothing.

He sighed explosively. "Fine Matt, we'll get a piece of crap for you to play with."

I grinned in a way he called goofy before turning back to my view of Kira's Kingdom. We had to wait for a day when there wouldn't be many people around otherwise we'd be killed the second we walked through the door. Mello was smart. He managed to set up a link to a camera hidden in Kira's room just before leaving and so far no one had seen it. We had enough evidence to bring the police in if we chose to, but he refused because his brother would be arrested as well as himself for participating in some less than legal things while living there. Extenuating circumstances there may be, but prostitution was still illegal and he had the mark to prove it.

I glanced at the apple tattoo poking out from the sleeve of his vest sadly. There was a lot I could do for him - buy him clothes and books, keep him here, help him get his brother – but I couldn't get rid of that damn mark. He would never be able to go out somewhere and live a normal life, not even if Kira was taken down. He would always be associated with that man whether willingly or not. I sighed, wishing I could do more for him, something to truly make him free. The only choice he had to be really, truly free was to die. Hell, maybe that wasn't even enough to escape this guy's hand. Who knew if he had a fucking business in hell – or would Mello go to heaven?

I cracked.

I got as much money as I could, as much as I knew I needed, and met up with a "friend" who was my usual provider. I knew Mello would be mad, hell, he'd be furious, if he found out, but I needed to escape these feelings for a while. I needed a way out before I broke.

I knew perfectly well that I was falling for him and falling hard. I did everything to make him smile, even when we had to watch his own brother playing the bad guy for days on end, I had to coax a small smile out of him. He was amazing, but I just wasn't able to get the words out properly in order to tell him. I couldn't even think of telling him for more than a minute at a time. What would he say if I told him that I loved him more than anything in this fucked up world we lived in? That, out of everything I knew to exist, he was the most beautiful, the most perfect? It wouldn't be what I wanted I knew that for certain. He couldn't think or speak of anything but getting his brother help anymore; it consumed him all day and all night. I had to grip my sheets every night to keep from running out to him when he started screaming. He wouldn't like the help, only think it was something bothersome, think it made him weaker. If only he could see how strong he really was. How amazing.

Mello was still in the apartment when I got home. Having destroyed all my odds and ends, I needed to pay for new ones, thankfully still in the package – even I didn't care for whatever nasty diseases were floating around on unsanitary needles. I filled the syringe with my new hobby, holding it over my arm with a shaking hand. The adrenaline had always been my favorite part. Just before I inserted the tip, that was the best part. I was in control then, the choice to shoo up was up to me and no one else then.

The point slipped into a vein, pushing my escape in to run through my blood stream. I sat quietly, waiting for the high to come on before sliding out and braving the wrath of the angry blond I knew to be waiting.

The drug induced fog filling my mind was perfect for countering the red hue I knew would be clouding Mello's vision the second I walked through the door.

He was furious, though I think that had started a while ago and I was making it worse. Fuck it, I knew I was making it worse, I was just so gone I didn't care. Not even when he hit me. It wasn't the light oh-it's-alright-if-you-don't-do-it-again slap, it was a full blown, you're-a-fucking-douche punch that was followed by a few friends and a foot stamped with the words "go fuck yourself."

I heard myself gasp through the fog, felt the pain blossoming in my ribs and jaw, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I deserved it, I knew I did. I knew it was stupid, I knew Mello would be mad, I knew it all; I just didn't want to admit it. I let him hit me until he slumped to the ground next to me, pulling my head to his chest. I hadn't noticed the tears until they fell onto his leather making tiny plopping noises. The haze had left as quickly as it had come on, I was exposed and I had nothing to hide behind.

_I cried a lot that night. I had finally realized what it was, that pain that had been living within my heart for so long it was almost a part of who I was. I was lonely. And Mello was the only one that could fill that void in my heart. I know that now, and I like to think I knew it then as well, I just wish I had acted on it when I had the chance._

**A/N: Like it? Hate it? Want it to burn in hellfire? Tell me please and thank you! And don't hate on the fail at describing drug use. I have never been high or done anything like that so i can't exactly tell you how it goes. I think it'll only be two chapters so I'll make the next one extra long to finish it before I get swamped with homework.**


End file.
